aria forzane. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
recitations) wrote2025-05-22 05:47 pm
recitations) wrote2025-05-22 05:47 pm
encyclopedia forzane
INFO
name: aria forzane
age: 29
birthday: 4/25
gender: cis fem
age: 29
birthday: 4/25
gender: cis fem
STATS
| str | ㅤㅤ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ |
| dexㅤㅤ | ㅤㅤ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ |
| con | ㅤㅤㅤㅤ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ |
| wis | ㅤㅤ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ |
| int | ㅤㅤㅤㅤ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ |
| cha | ㅤㅤㅤㅤ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ |
| a. aspect | ㅤㅤunaspected. |
| a. control | ㅤㅤ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ |
| perceptionㅤㅤ | ㅤ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ |
| insight | ㅤ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ |
| spite | ㅤㅤㅤ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ |
QUICK CAST PRIMER
feel free to use any of this as common / known info. for all intents & purposes, canon events will be left alone with as little variation as possible UNLESS it's been discussed with the relevant castmates!
i assume she experienced all the optional Dungeons, Trials, Raids ( both 8 man & 24 man ), and the Field Operations quests. she did not complete all the job quests or rolequests, except Scholar and Alchemist. otherwise, she's done a smattering of side quests here and there.
→ born & raised in Limsa Lominsa. fell in love with Arcanima VERY early in her teenage years and sort of just stuck with it.
→ her parents are retired merchants somewhere close to Wineport; she doesn't talk about them much, but will occasionally take her leave to visit them between lulls. she's an only child.
→ theoretically she could use job stones and change her job, but i don't find that fun or exciting so she's a one trick Scholar. if she had the time she'd be a full-time researcher.
→ enjoys: wine, coffee, collecting books. the joys of discovery.
→ she very rarely gets drunk. her tolerance is pretty high, but she also cheats by using esuna.
→ highly competitive and hates to lose. will randomly just egg people on for no good reason just to see what'll happen.
→ loves to act like she has no buttons to press; she does tend to be pretty even-keeled, but the few buttons she does have usually leave her with quite a temper. it'll very rarely be directed at the people she considers her friends (read: the Scions), but she's less graceful with others.
→ unironically licks shit she finds on occasion to figure out what they are. what's it gonna do? kill her? she's the wol.
→ she's a self-sufficient alchemist when it comes to inks & tinctures! this comes with a lil bit of botany knowledge as a result, but not enough to do anything really useful with it.
→ her codex is the closest thing she has to a prized possession, but for all the ways she appears indulgent she's not very materialistic. her bag, outside of the necessities, tends to be very sparse.
→ her handwriting is pretty, but she writes everything in the worst shorthand alive so it's probably indecipherable.
→ Eos, having worked as Aria's summon for so long, tends to behave more as an extension of Aria's aether (and by extension, her affinities & emotions) more oftentimes than not. it's not super noticeable most of the time bc she's summoned as an as-needed basis, but this is mostly an excuse for me to have her sit on people's shoulders. c:
→ visual references: ARR > HW > SB | SHB > EW | DT | scars ( nsfw; she's down to undergarments. )
that said!
→ for the Scions, the first 2 points above are what they got as her 'life story' during ARR to SB; it is also a lie! sorry. you can assume she's told them the truth about it at the end of base Stormblood, especially if they were present in SB. or don't! i'm down for whatever's more fun.
→ for everyone else, she'll stick to the above as her "public" version of her life story until she can't. her reactions to that can be pretty explosive, though.
→ she used to be pretty reticent. she'd give reports of 'what happened' re: game events pretty comprehensively and accurately, but she often omitted her own feelings or thoughts at every turn. she probably started getting better about sharing information at around early/mid-ShB, but she's still prone to keeping folks at arm's length.
→ her identity as the 'Warrior of Light' has always been something she kept pretty separate from who she is as a person; she understands the need for a figure especially in times of strife, and she plays up every part the dashing, charming hero people make her out to be. how much she likes being the WoL is something that changes overtime.
→ this is just a really long winded way to say that she lies a lot to make herself a lot more palatable than she normally is.
i assume she experienced all the optional Dungeons, Trials, Raids ( both 8 man & 24 man ), and the Field Operations quests. she did not complete all the job quests or rolequests, except Scholar and Alchemist. otherwise, she's done a smattering of side quests here and there.
→ born & raised in Limsa Lominsa. fell in love with Arcanima VERY early in her teenage years and sort of just stuck with it.
→ her parents are retired merchants somewhere close to Wineport; she doesn't talk about them much, but will occasionally take her leave to visit them between lulls. she's an only child.
→ theoretically she could use job stones and change her job, but i don't find that fun or exciting so she's a one trick Scholar. if she had the time she'd be a full-time researcher.
→ enjoys: wine, coffee, collecting books. the joys of discovery.
→ she very rarely gets drunk. her tolerance is pretty high, but she also cheats by using esuna.
→ highly competitive and hates to lose. will randomly just egg people on for no good reason just to see what'll happen.
→ loves to act like she has no buttons to press; she does tend to be pretty even-keeled, but the few buttons she does have usually leave her with quite a temper. it'll very rarely be directed at the people she considers her friends (read: the Scions), but she's less graceful with others.
→ unironically licks shit she finds on occasion to figure out what they are. what's it gonna do? kill her? she's the wol.
→ she's a self-sufficient alchemist when it comes to inks & tinctures! this comes with a lil bit of botany knowledge as a result, but not enough to do anything really useful with it.
→ her codex is the closest thing she has to a prized possession, but for all the ways she appears indulgent she's not very materialistic. her bag, outside of the necessities, tends to be very sparse.
→ her handwriting is pretty, but she writes everything in the worst shorthand alive so it's probably indecipherable.
→ Eos, having worked as Aria's summon for so long, tends to behave more as an extension of Aria's aether (and by extension, her affinities & emotions) more oftentimes than not. it's not super noticeable most of the time bc she's summoned as an as-needed basis, but this is mostly an excuse for me to have her sit on people's shoulders. c:
→ visual references: ARR > HW > SB | SHB > EW | DT | scars ( nsfw; she's down to undergarments. )
that said!
→ for the Scions, the first 2 points above are what they got as her 'life story' during ARR to SB; it is also a lie! sorry. you can assume she's told them the truth about it at the end of base Stormblood, especially if they were present in SB. or don't! i'm down for whatever's more fun.
→ for everyone else, she'll stick to the above as her "public" version of her life story until she can't. her reactions to that can be pretty explosive, though.
→ she used to be pretty reticent. she'd give reports of 'what happened' re: game events pretty comprehensively and accurately, but she often omitted her own feelings or thoughts at every turn. she probably started getting better about sharing information at around early/mid-ShB, but she's still prone to keeping folks at arm's length.
→ her identity as the 'Warrior of Light' has always been something she kept pretty separate from who she is as a person; she understands the need for a figure especially in times of strife, and she plays up every part the dashing, charming hero people make her out to be. how much she likes being the WoL is something that changes overtime.
→ this is just a really long winded way to say that she lies a lot to make herself a lot more palatable than she normally is.
PRE-GAME | 1.0
→ born Kanon Mizuhiki on the coast of The Ruby Sea, where her parents worked as traveling merchants across Othard.
→ not that she remembers them; they died when she was a baby, and her older brother — Hayato — raised her in Kugane. spent a bulk of her childhood & teenage years as varying levels of a street kid. as far as she's aware (ie, as far as Hayato used to tell her), her parents were killed by Garleans.
→ eventually (think 16-17), picks up the vaguest of rumors about the Doman Liberation Front, and convinces her brother that this is their calling. this is a discussion that takes years before he finally agrees. they find a small group of like-minded people that all decide to travel together.
→ surprise: it doesn't go well. Hayato dies when they're discovered by a squad of Garleans stamping out rebellion hopefuls. in hindsight, she's pretty sure the whole thing was a set up :')
→ terrified, alone, and prone to making poor decisions, she fucks right off on the first boat to Vylbrand with the last of their savings.
→ "Aria Forzane" is actually a name she gave out as an impulse to the first person that asked, and a series of completely nonsense syllables. it stuck, though.
→ the part about falling in love with arcanima and sticking with it is not a lie!
→ at some point dalamud fell. honestly by then she was probably in limsa, and used it as an excuse to act as though she was there the whole time.
→ for all intents and purposes, "Kanon Mizuhiki" does not exist anymore. she's Aria Forzane, and attempts to call her by her birthname will not be received well.
→ not that she remembers them; they died when she was a baby, and her older brother — Hayato — raised her in Kugane. spent a bulk of her childhood & teenage years as varying levels of a street kid. as far as she's aware (ie, as far as Hayato used to tell her), her parents were killed by Garleans.
→ eventually (think 16-17), picks up the vaguest of rumors about the Doman Liberation Front, and convinces her brother that this is their calling. this is a discussion that takes years before he finally agrees. they find a small group of like-minded people that all decide to travel together.
→ surprise: it doesn't go well. Hayato dies when they're discovered by a squad of Garleans stamping out rebellion hopefuls. in hindsight, she's pretty sure the whole thing was a set up :')
→ terrified, alone, and prone to making poor decisions, she fucks right off on the first boat to Vylbrand with the last of their savings.
→ "Aria Forzane" is actually a name she gave out as an impulse to the first person that asked, and a series of completely nonsense syllables. it stuck, though.
→ the part about falling in love with arcanima and sticking with it is not a lie!
→ at some point dalamud fell. honestly by then she was probably in limsa, and used it as an excuse to act as though she was there the whole time.
→ for all intents and purposes, "Kanon Mizuhiki" does not exist anymore. she's Aria Forzane, and attempts to call her by her birthname will not be received well.
A REALM REBORN
DISCLAIMER: the passage of time is fake, please don't ask me how long it's been since ARR. it sure has been a while! i will also be linking a detailed synopsis of each expansion with each section, with this entry serving as a tl;dr of aria's specific thoughts for those that are canon familiar.
→ expac summary ←
→ there's nothing special about her adventuring background. she more or less falls into doing favors for the city states by being at the right place & time in Limsa Lominsa.
→ when being 'good at it' and 'nosy enough' gets her picked up by the Scions of the Seventh Dawn, her first instinct is deep suspicion ( given prior events ). it's actually spite at her former self that gets her to join, as a way to prove to herself that she's not the same person she was that got Hayato killed — over-ambitious, idealistic, etc. she's an Adventurer now, and not whoever she was before.
→ this doesn't mean she's not kind or friendly! she still is. she makes every attempt to make herself appear likeable. she doesn't trust them, but that doesn't mean she's rude.
→ the rest of base ARR ( defeating Primals, investigating the Ascians, leading an assault on the Garleans ) goes as written in that someone tells her where to go, and she goes and does it.
→ she's practical enough to take whatever she can when she faces Ultima, but her relationship with Hydaelyn is ... wary at best, suspicious at worst. there's nothing more unknowable than the presumed god of the world, and she can understand things like wanting to carry on a legacy ( see: Louisoix & the Scions ), but not unconditional benevolence.
→ there's also a lot of 'why her' that she simply doesn't get an answer to, and that bothers her! she wants to become the Warrior of Light through her choice and abilities alone, and Hydaelyn choosing her keeps her from doing so. this will come back later.
→ the moving of the Scion's headquarters, their relation with the city-state leaders, and the Crystal Braves are actually things she ... tries to keep her hands off of. again — she's an adventurer, and the goal at this stage was to not get over-invested. she'll relay messages, run errands, and beat Primals up, but she's largely leaves the decisions to the Scions.
→ Moenbryda is the first Scion-adjacent individual she ends up trusting enough; it helps that she's largely removed from everything else. she also gets along pretty alright with Midgardsormr. all things considered. she definitely didn't need Hydaelyn's blessing, nope.
→ so the rest of the patches ( the kidnapping of Minfilia, Moenbryda's death, the Bloody Banquet ) and are a wake-up call that all of the decisions she has made were pretty bad!
→ she seriously considers running as she exits the sewers after her escape, regardless of what happened to the rest of the Scions. Alphinaud showing up and looking even worse about the betrayal of the Crystal Braves is what makes her decide otherwise.
→ there's nothing special about her adventuring background. she more or less falls into doing favors for the city states by being at the right place & time in Limsa Lominsa.
→ when being 'good at it' and 'nosy enough' gets her picked up by the Scions of the Seventh Dawn, her first instinct is deep suspicion ( given prior events ). it's actually spite at her former self that gets her to join, as a way to prove to herself that she's not the same person she was that got Hayato killed — over-ambitious, idealistic, etc. she's an Adventurer now, and not whoever she was before.
→ this doesn't mean she's not kind or friendly! she still is. she makes every attempt to make herself appear likeable. she doesn't trust them, but that doesn't mean she's rude.
→ the rest of base ARR ( defeating Primals, investigating the Ascians, leading an assault on the Garleans ) goes as written in that someone tells her where to go, and she goes and does it.
→ she's practical enough to take whatever she can when she faces Ultima, but her relationship with Hydaelyn is ... wary at best, suspicious at worst. there's nothing more unknowable than the presumed god of the world, and she can understand things like wanting to carry on a legacy ( see: Louisoix & the Scions ), but not unconditional benevolence.
→ there's also a lot of 'why her' that she simply doesn't get an answer to, and that bothers her! she wants to become the Warrior of Light through her choice and abilities alone, and Hydaelyn choosing her keeps her from doing so. this will come back later.
→ the moving of the Scion's headquarters, their relation with the city-state leaders, and the Crystal Braves are actually things she ... tries to keep her hands off of. again — she's an adventurer, and the goal at this stage was to not get over-invested. she'll relay messages, run errands, and beat Primals up, but she's largely leaves the decisions to the Scions.
→ Moenbryda is the first Scion-adjacent individual she ends up trusting enough; it helps that she's largely removed from everything else. she also gets along pretty alright with Midgardsormr. all things considered. she definitely didn't need Hydaelyn's blessing, nope.
→ so the rest of the patches ( the kidnapping of Minfilia, Moenbryda's death, the Bloody Banquet ) and are a wake-up call that all of the decisions she has made were pretty bad!
→ she seriously considers running as she exits the sewers after her escape, regardless of what happened to the rest of the Scions. Alphinaud showing up and looking even worse about the betrayal of the Crystal Braves is what makes her decide otherwise.
HEAVENSWARD
→ taking shelter in Ishgard is a weird parallel to her first arriving in Limsa. she definitely thinks about none of this by throwing herself to helping the Fortemps, because it has nothing to do with any of her previous problems. nothing like the politics of a country she doesn't care about to take her mind off her troubles!
→ except ... it sort of ends up being true — being in Ishgard and working for the Fortemps are things she jumps at very readily. she's happy for the opportunity to save Raubhan, and learn that Nanamo isn't dead. this time, the little steps in being able to take control of her situation mean a lot to her, even if she doesn't verbalize a lot of it.
→ this also means the most of base Heavensward as a whole are carried out very close to the script. by the end, she hates Thordan, is devastated by Haurchefant's death, is less devastated but still saddened by Ysayle's, and is deeply concerned for Estinien. at least the Dragonsong war is over, and Ishgard is in better hands.
→ to note: she takes every advance that Haurchefant makes on her. she has not met Estinien prior to the events of Heavensward.
→ the only point of note is, of course, her reaction to Hydaelyn's blessing being returned to her — which she views more as a necessary evil at this point more than anything else. she's accepted that she's committed to being the Warrior of Light for better or for worse.
→ most of the patch content also goes pretty close to script given said commitment; notable differences include:
→ she does grow more suspicious of Hydaelyn after Minfilia's disappearance, and finding her at the top of the Anti-Tower both makes her feel better and worse at the same time. how many more people does Hydaelyn feel like she needs to take, what's even the point of being the Warrior of Light if people keep dying, etc.
→ the whole Warrior of Darkness business she finds extremely exhausting; the implication that other worlds have failed what she's trying to do isn't something she actually cares about? sorry you sucked but i'm better, etc.
→ the Ala Mhigan resistance is a little personal for her (as is Garlean occupation as a whole), but she definitely keeps that feeling under wraps. the existence of Omega is more concerning than anything else that happens on Baelsar's Wall, with the exception of Papalymo's death.
STORMBLOOD
→ when the attempts at recruiting Ala Mhigo to their cause goes poorly, she almost considers strangling Alphinaud for suggesting that she goes to Doma. but Aria Forzane has never been to Kugane before! it shouldn't matter!
→ and to be clear: no one recognizes her. there's no huge confrontation that forces her to reveal her past. she really was a nobody, and that's why she left. it's the juxtaposition in people's treatment that gets to her. the fact that nothing has changed in the 10+ years she's been gone really bothers her, because it proves that she really led her brother to his death for no reason.
→ the Othard arc ( traveling between Kugane, Yanxia, the Steppe, and finally Doma Castle ), and the remainder of the Ala Mhigo arc ( storming Castrum Abania, neutralizing the Skulls & Fordola, and the final assault to take back Ala Mhigo ) passes with her regressing back to doing the absolute bare minimum. things were easier, after all, when she was just the Scions' firepower.
→ she makes every effort to be cordial to Yugiri, Gosetsu, and Hien, while also deeply resenting them. hilariously, she really can't give two shits about Zenos' obsession with her because she's so wrapped up in her own crisis.
→ liberating Doma & Ala Mhigo doesn't... make her feel better? neither does winning against Zenos ( now Shinryu ). she's happy, sure, satisfied that she did something good, but depression's a bitch and she doesn't have a therapist to talk to.
→ she does come clean about her past to the Scions, shortly after Lyse steps down from being a Scion. she also insists that they agree to two things: that they won't make a big deal out of it, and that they will continue to treat her as 'Aria' both in public and in private.
→ most of the patches goes as written; she walks away with a lot of sympathy for both Fordola and Yotsuyu, who have both given her a lot to think about in terms of the choices one makes in order to survive in this world — in some ways, she really wasn't that much better than either of them. she wasn't working for the Garleans, sure, but she still abandoned her homeland and ran away.
→ to note: her friendship with the Scions was slow to develop — mostly because of her hang ups — but after everything they've been through it's hard not to trust them. it's hard to say when she went from considering them friendly coworkers to people she actively cares for ( it definitely happened before she came clean to them, even if she hadn't realized at the time ), but she figures it's not all that bad.
→ so the fact that the Scions start disappearing and/or collapsing really came at a bad time. she starts seriously considering if she's cursed to lose everyone she cares about. it does not help her depression in the slightest.
SHADOWBRINGERS
→ to establish a few things: she does NOT trust the Crystal Exarch, but also has very little interest in knowing who he is. her opinions on the Ascians have never been great, but Emet-Selch seems to have a sense of humor so he might be the best one yet. being in the First is pretty alright ( outside of the Scions being stuck here ) because she feels like she can do something about the circumstances here and not have it affect her directly.
→ meeting Ardbert again is ... extremely strange, at first. they don't necessarily get along from the get-go, but it's also difficult to put airs around someone who's just happy to talk to her for a few hours each night (okay, a lot of hours each night). she's probably pretty forthcoming about her life as an adventurer, but less-so about her childhood. it's a good way to take her mind off things!
→ the re-gathering of the Scions and the returning of the night sky both proceed close-to-written. she's more active about it here than she has ever been! it feels like she's slowly but surely regaining control over things she didn't really have control over. except—
→ to Aria, absorbing the Light is an act of atonement. she's trained enough in aetherology to understand why what she's doing will kill her. that doesn't mean she's going to stop, though. this is a choice she can actively make where she can also foresee the way it would backfire, so that means she can figure out a way to fix it all. obviously. ( spoilers: she doesn't )
→ the corruption from the Light does leave a mark on her, though. ( nsfw reference. )
→ she takes the news of Hydaelyn and Zodiark being primals pretty well — there's some level of betrayal over not being told everything, but she also knew she wasn't... being told everything. the fact that they're primals though means that they're just as fallible as every other primal, and that's actually pretty comforting to her. there is a hidden motive behind her being Hydaelyn's chosen. it's conditional.
→ the fact that they are all parts of a sundered whole, on the flip side, she absolutely hates. all the control she's managed to establish in her life being reduced to "you're just a fraction of something that was once great" sets her off. if she wasn't steps from turning into a Sin Eater, she would have tried to take out a block of Amaurot or something.
→ coming back full circle: she realizes the Exarch is G'raha at the last possible second, and while a lot of his motives were pretty discomforting ( she doesn't do well with hero-worship ), they make sense in hindsight. Emet-Selch can go rot in hell for trying to see if she'd measure up to someone that's been dead. the First kind of sucks, but it's still better than the Source right now. she tries to call for Ardbert for a few nights after the end of base Shadowbringers but gets no answer.
→ outside of the overarching identity crisis that comes from learning she's sundered, she's in a better place than she was at the end of Stormblood. having the problems be something they can actively work on instead of being blindsided by them helps. so! after 3 expansions, she finally feels like the hero that the Scions say that she is.
→ Elidibus also pisses her off. for many reasons. she considers actually blowing up a block in Amaurot this time, and only decides against it because she may ( begrudgingly ) want to study it and she'd never forgive herself if she was the reason she couldn't. needless to say, the realization that she's 'Azem' is something she very much tries to ignore.
→ re: the Seat of Sacrifice, owing Emet-Selch her life is ... complicated. she doesn't like thinking about that, either.
→ when G'raha returns to the Source is when she finally forgives him for the events of Shadowbringers. she doesn't tell him this, nothing about how she treats him changes, but that's when she decides that she can try and get over it.
→ Fandaniel might be her new favorite because at least this guy doesn't look like gives a shit about who she was or wasn't in her past life, or whatever. trying to save the world from being destroyed is such a simple and straightforward goal with no other implications that it's almost refreshing.
→ oh but Fourchenault can go kick rocks. at this point she's fully ready to die for each of the Scions*
* G'raha & Estinien will need an expansion's worth of a trial before she commits to this
ENDWALKER
→ the early parts of Endwalker go pretty close to script; she does Esuna herself pretty immediately after arriving in Thavnair, but lets the rest of them suffer. she definitely tries to flirt with Erenville. her opinion of Old Sharlayan is less than kind. she's of the firm belief that knowledge that can help others should be shared! she probably butts heads with the Forum members pretty actively on top of everything the Scions say, especially Fourchenault. she may not be an Archon, but she's an academic in her own right.
→ she's in a better place now, but she doesn't really have the sympathy that she probably should re: Garlemald. the fact that she shows restraint and opts for peaceful resolutions where she can is probably a sign of her growth, but she's pretty displeased about all of it. it's hard for her to sympathize with them no matter how dire their straits are now.
→ In from the Cold is the first time she's genuinely furious at Zenos ( now that she has the mental bandwidth to give a shit ). i think there's also a heavy dose of guilt at what could have happened. if i remember to come back to this i'll expand on it later.
→ it is very cathartic to fight ( and defeat ) Zodiark, though, if for no other reason than this proving that Hydaelyn is also a primal as well. the loporrits are cute but she trusts them as far as she can throw them, since it looks like they're working with the Sharlayans. that said, the stakes don't really register for her until she's back in Thavnair, and goes through Vanaspati; she knew that this was ( yet another ) calamity, but how close this one gets to all the others takes her a second.
→ it's no secret at this point that Elpis really rubs her the wrong way. she mitigates some of it by thinking of them as entirely different people compared to their 'counterparts' in the present. i don't think it works 100%, but it becomes easier to manage if she can separate Azem from herself, Venat from Hydaelyn, Hades from Emet-Selch etc. it's a coping mechanism.
→ the fact that this was a plan that was 10,000 years in the making both ... helps and hinders, though. the lack of agency on her part still very much stings, but the fact that Hydaelyn was ultimately as human as the rest of them makes her relation to Azem a little easier to swallow. she'd still insist that she's her own person, and that her soul being a sundered part of someone else means absolutely nothing; it's just done with a little bit more sympathy for the ancients. she really doesn't like thinking about it. she deeply resents having to learn about it. but it's only gotten more complicated now.
→ she gets to see a fleeting memory of her brother in the Atiascope. she realizes she's older than him now. she almost cries but tries hard to be very brave about it.
→ don't ask her how she felt when she defeated Hydaelyn she's repressing that.
→ she definitely cries after everyone's gone in Ultima Thule, just before the final walk up to Meteion. i think it's less the fact that she's there alone ( though it is a little bit of that ), and more the unwavering faith from the Scions. she's gone through the motions of playing this grand, bigger-than-life hero so many times that at some point she wanted to become that person. but everyone else already thinks she is. and she wants to live up to that so badly.
→ it makes owing Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus one more favor to bring them back completely and utterly worth it. at least, that's how she sees it. she has zero intentions of admitting this to the two of them or the Scions.
→ i think some part of her definitely wanted to fight Zenos — it's closure for her. but after being beaten down to almost nothing during Stormblood, after being beaten down to nothing the first time when she was a teenager, she needs to understand that she's... better than that now? the occupation isn't solely on Zenos' head, but he's sort of the last person standing with direct ties to it.
→ that or she's so delirious after fighting the Endsinger she's "honestly fuck it why not" about it. if she kills him here at least everyone back home will be safe. if she doesn't, he'll end up dying anyway.
→ anyway so she's probably dead now. it's fine.